My Morning Hell

Typically my day to day goes a little some thing like this:

9 a.m. - Punch alarm clock, go back to bed.

9: 10 a.m. - Call an ambulance for my broken wrist.

9: 11 a.m. - Have a coffee

9:15 a.m. - Have another coffee.

9:20 a.m. - Weep uncontrollably in despair for humanity until ambulance arrives

9:45 a.m. - Put on some cloths

9:50 a.m. - Apologies to the neighbours for traumatizing their children [again] and pets whilst arguing that they shouldn’t be looking in the first place - though I'm sure it's too coincidental that the family dog would be looking through my living room window just 'by chance' EVERY morning.

10 a.m. - Walk the boyfriend to work whilst trying to convince him that the walk to work is nothing like the walking the Green Mile.

10:10 a.m. - Log onto the library completely free internet services

10:11 a.m. - Check e-mails for potential job offers - a fruitless task.

10:12 a.m. - Start job search

10:13 a.m. - Wrestle with the internet for jobs that I could actually do.

10:15 a.m. - Get thrown out of library for calling the computer 'the offspring of a non-patonded tampon dispenser'

10:16 a.m. - Go to the local graveyard to remind myself that life might be harsh but at least I'm not dead. Not like all those stupid dead people. Dead and stupid.

10:19 a.m. - Despair for humanity for the second time.

10:20 a.m. - Scare off the local goth kids by being 'that weird guy who cries in graveyards'.

An hour and twenty minutes in and as you can see I have a very busy schedule.

Today however I have been blessed into that I have actually found a web site which aided me almost to no end with finding a job, aside from actually giving one to me just for logging on. Which would be great. So no rematch between me and the bastardised sanitary dispenser today.

Later today I'll go home and make ritual blood sacrifice to the Gods in hope that they will take extra pity on me this week and bless me with a job of some kind. If not then it's a walk into town to get more bankers.

One thing that has occurred to me before now, but especially so now, is that the library is a place where two things happen. One is the exchange of knowledge in the promise that you'll actually return said knowledge, the other is a battle of wills: You V.S. your bowls.

Today I realized much to my dismay that the library has no public toilet.

Taking into account that you only have two hours a day maximum to burn on these machines in search of a salvation from poverty and public humiliation for money by coercing people into buying The Big Issue so you'll leave them alone to thoughtlessly throw their money away on shiny tat, you would have thought that they least they could do is give a gentleman the relief one can occasionally desire when that second cup of morning wake-up juice hits ones bladder like a tsunami against a English tidal barrier.

But no, they don't and so instead itseems thatIhavenooptionbuttoleaveRIGHTNOWBEFOREIERRUPTLIKEVESUVIUS!!!